Why

Have you ever felt your world spinning out of control? All you can do is hang on and pray?

That is the state I am in these days, Jason and I are fine (yes we argue and irritate each other, but we are great).

Am I holding on too tight? Am I putting stock into relationships that I shouldn't? Do I expect too much from others? Is there something wrong with me?

I want out of my job, it just seems to spiral further and further downward these days. The shifting and transition of things is good to an extent but now it is sickening. Everyday there is a new change a nd new challenge to face. I have a completly new job with the same pay so Jason see no issues... but it is still in my mind a demotion. I can't talk to my friends at work because they fear their job if they say anything. I feel I complain too much but it is overwhelming me. I just feel I do not belong there anylonger.... but where do I belong???

Friends come and go, isn't that a saying? Well it sucks. I hate having relationships and loosing them. I hate when people are mean. I just hate it. Don't you know people care about you and then you walk all over them and it hurts? Dont you know? I have been a victum too many times.... why what is wrong with me?

I try to be myself and carry on. I try to work through the hard times. I try... but the tears still come.

Why do I let words tear me down? Why can't I be like Jason and ignore them and move on?

Why???

Because I am a woman, and made to be different. I am a peice of God, He molded me and made me who I am. I know I need to find joy in all that I go through... and I am trying. I will continue to look towards heaven. God will guide me. I may not understand now why when where or how this all is happening... but one day I will look back and say look at how far I have some by your hand dear Lord.